Making a Case for Public Displays of Affection
“Such a stark contrast!” I thought as I exited a plane and saw nearly everyone in the airport terminal on their phones and then saw this darling older couple on an escalator. The couple, grayed and wrinkled, were so cute and connected and caring about each other and not on their phones.
I couldn’t take my eyes off their backs. The husband was behind his wife on the escalator. He was gently and lovingly massaging her shoulders on the way down. Then, after getting off the escalator, their hands immediately—obviously without thought—slid into position. They were holding hands. It was natural, automatic, as if it happened all the time when they were walking together. The couple moved slowly. They were aging and obviously not as fast as they likely once were.
My heart melted. I desperately wanted to take a picture. I wanted to remember the moment. Alas, it wasn’t my moment; it was theirs. I didn’t take a photo. I had to give myself a “no” answer. I wanted the whole world to see it—to follow their example—to spread the hope of happiness through love and marriage.
Doing Something Awkward
I believe in being deliberate, and sometimes that means being a bit awkward. I think that open communication, if positive and self-governed, is transformative. It brings so much human connection and so many smiles.
As I was passing this couple, I did something awkward. I said, “I can see from the way you are treating each other and holding hands that you are very in love, and that even though you have been around for a while, you are still very in love.”
“Yes, we are,” the husband said with a smile.
“Thank you for showing that to me and to so many other people today who may not have faith in marriage anymore. You are showing us all where happiness comes from. You are showing us service and love for each other. Thank you.”
They smiled and thanked me. I smiled and thanked them. We had a beautiful connection.
It Gets Better
Maybe two minutes later, while heading toward my next escalator, I saw a woman and man coming down toward me. The woman lovingly held on to her husband’s shoulder as he supported her from the front. At the bottom of the escalator, he tipped his face toward his shoulder and gave her hand a gentle kiss. Then he tenderly took her hand, and they walked down the hallway holding hands. Love! There it was again! So obvious, so natural, so selfless, so perfect.
This time, I didn’t say anything, and I again resisted the temptation to snap a photo of this darling sight from behind. Their hands, swinging in unison ever so slightly as they made their way to their gate, were like a love dance done every day—it was so polished.
Making a Case for Hand-Holding
If holding hands can have that much impact on a person who has a happy, healthy marriage and often even has her own husband’s hand to hold, what could it do for a person who is not used to seeing unity, happiness, love, or connected family relationships?
The world, and even strong-family states like Utah, are experiencing declines in fertility and intact marriages. Love, sacrifice, understanding, and connection are first born in the family. Without family creation, or with the minimizing of the importance of the family unit and marriage, could we be giving an unspoken message—a lie—that loneliness and family disconnection are the recipe for happiness?
We can teach statistics and show trends. We can tell parents not to talk badly about marriage and children. We can try to change the conversation in the media. But could it be that we could change the conversation the most if we just showed more genuine, natural public displays of affection?
What would happen to a 17-year-old girl who has been raised to think that her role in life is to make money in order to find happiness if she saw her parents and grandparents love each other in front of her? What would happen if she saw the hand-holding and the cherishing that accompany healthy relationships? Would she desire to have that same kind of cherishing in her own life? Maybe she would see that all the talk about money and stuff doesn’t give the same peace as having a hand to hold that wants to hold yours back.
Hold hands with your family members. For sure your spouse, but your children and parents too. I will always cherish the special moments when I get to hold an arm or hand of one of my adult children. Those are the moments that show how much we really mean to each other. The moments that say, “You are mine. I love you no matter what.”
Parenting is often one of the things that causes stress in marriage relationships. Get on the same page at Nicholeen’s next Parenting Mastery Training.