Putting Children First and Meaning It!
The following was contributed by Cristina Cevallos.
Society often claims to put children first, but look a little closer and you’ll see that all too often that is not the case. We live in an adult-centric culture where the well-being and fundamental needs of children are frequently sacrificed for adult preferences and conveniences. In today’s world, adults often prioritize their own desires and pleasures, all the while maintaining the narrative “Oh…the kids are going to be alright; kids are resilient, you know!” The “kids” are then left to navigate a myriad of negative consequences brought about by adults who convince themselves that their needs come first.
Children are treated as commodities—manufactured, shuffled between homes, aborted, sex-selected, starved of parental love, deprived of stability, and intentionally created without one or both parents. As an outspoken and articulate advocate for children, Katy Faust argues that the rights of children must be prioritized over adult desires. As the founder and director of Them Before Us, an organization focused on children’s needs in family and policy, Faust challenges society to reconsider its approach to marriage, family, and parenting. Her work examines numerous studies on the outcomes for children raised in various household types, including those with biological parents, single parents, and same-sex parents.
Drawing from her own experience with her parents divorce, remarriage, and her mother’s same-sex relationship, Faust passionately advocates for a world where children’s voices are heard. She believes that when we fail to listen to children, we reduce them to mere constituents of adult fulfillment, depriving them of the emotional stability and love they need to truly thrive.
Faust’s message is clear: we must approach all issues of marriage and family from the perspective of the child. What do children need? What are their rights? How will decisions harm them? In short, adults need to make difficult sacrifices to ensure the rights of children are protected. Lets see some examples:
Redefinition of marriage
In 2021, for the first time in the UK, more children were born to unmarried parents than to married parents. This shift highlights a broader issue surrounding cohabitation and a misunderstanding of the true nature of marriage. To address this, we need to emphasize three key characteristics of marriage:
- Monogamy: The presence of a stepfather or stepmother, or polygamous relationships, does not improve child outcomes. It is the union of one man and one woman that specifically benefits children.
- Complementarity: Mothers and fathers provide distinct, complementary roles that children naturally benefit from and crave. Each parent brings unique qualities to their child’s development.
- Permanence: Marriage is a lifelong commitment, ensuring that children remain connected to both parents throughout their lives.
No-fault divorce sent the message that children could be separated from their parents for up to 50% of the time without negative consequences, reflecting a growing belief that marriage existed primarily for adult fulfillment rather than for the well-being of children. As marriage became more about individual happiness, allowing couples to dissolve their bond when they no longer felt happy, the focus shifted away from the long-term impact on children. This is concerning, as children who grow up with both biological parents tend to show better physical health, higher academic achievement, and fewer behavioral problems.
Divorce
Divorce is often pursued by adults seeking personal fulfillment, with the belief that children will be happier if their parents are happier. Yet, is it in the children’s best interest to adapt to their mom’s remarriage or constantly going back-and-forth between homes? On the contrary, a 25-year study showed that what matters most to children is not the quality of their parents’ relationship, but that they stay together. Many children in unhappy marriages are still content.
While there may be reasons for separation, couples should carefully consider the impact on their children. Data is conclusive in affirming that divorce affects the child’s emotional and physical health, academic and social performance.
Single-parent households
Children benefit from the unique attributes and teachings of both parents. Fathers and mothers provide essential lessons about identity, how to relate to the opposite sex, and the dynamics of healthy relationships. How parents treat each other also shapes how children learn to interact with others.
Consider these statistics:
- 90% of homeless and runaway children come from fatherless homes.
- 85% of children with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
- 70-85% of children in youth detention centers grow up without a father at home.
- Children of single mothers are more likely to become teenage mothers.
- Single-parent children are 50% more likely to experience poverty.
Public policy plays a significant role in this issue. While social welfare programs can support families in need, they may also reduce the responsibility men feel toward their families. As well, in some countries, the tax system discourages marriage, with benefits structured so that if a single mother marries her child’s father, the family becomes financially worse off. This creates what the American Enterprise Institute has termed the “marriage penalty”.
Same sex marriage
Children of same-sex couples are always missing one of their biological parents, which means they are deprived of the gender-specific parenting and unique biological identity that only that parent could provide. While same-sex parents can be loving, educated, and caring, they cannot replicate the distinct contributions each gender brings to a child’s development.
For example, fathers play a crucial role in teaching self-control and self-restraint. Research has shown that fatherless boys are more prone to criminal behavior, and one significant reason for this is the absence of the father’s disciplinary influence. Fathers are often the ones who provide structure, boundaries, and a clear understanding of right and wrong.
Third-party reproduction
Reproductive technologies have turned children into commodities, created, bought, and sold through contracts rather than born from natural, loving relationships. While adults may fulfill their desire for a biological connection, this comes at the expense of the child’s bond with one parent. Children conceived through third-party reproduction—using someone else’s sperm, egg, or womb—often report feelings of “genealogical bewilderment,” experiencing a deep sense of emptiness and “otherness” that fuels struggles with identity and belonging.
Olivia Maurel faced abandonment trauma, identity issues, and multiple suicide attempts. “I was a product of surrogacy, a baby made to order”, she said. Now as spokeswoman for the Casablanca Declaration, she advocates for the abolition of this practice, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on children.
The fight against adult-centric society
We must leverage culture, law, policies, and technology to redefine the narrative surrounding children, focusing on what they genuinely need. Too often, the story is shaped by adult desires and fulfillment, leaving children sidelined.
We must center our attention on data and the real stories of children suffering – stories that expose the long-lasting pain caused by unstable family structures.
When children are forced to sacrifice for the benefit of adults, a reversal of roles occurs. It is adults, not children, who are meant to make sacrifices for the vulnerable. For a society to thrive, we must ensure that our children thrive first. Children don’t just need any two parents—they need both of them, in a stable and loving marriage.
The post Putting Children First and Meaning It! first appeared on Meridian Magazine.
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