The Great Temptation: Seeking the Praise of Men instead of the Praise of God
My grandchildren attend a school that requires uniforms. However, every once in a while they have a “spirit” day when they get to dress up. Recently the kindergarten class was invited to dress up in the costume of another country. Excited to be relieved of their uniforms for a day, my grandchildren planned their costumes. Thatcher, our 9-year-old, who is in 4th grade, went to school wearing a pair of authentic lederhosen from Germany. Upon his arrival Thatcher discovered nobody else in his class had dressed up! Everybody else was wearing their navy polo shirts and tan pants. Thatcher stood alone in his German lederhosen among 20 classmates in their school uniforms. Thatcher was mortified. Apparently, only the kindergarteners were invited to dress up, not the upper grades.
The family thought Thatcher was a hero. We all laughed until we cried and we were proud of him for hanging in there during a highly embarrassing day. His teacher had compassion for him, and the kids in the class who refused to tease him became his true friends. We decided every child needs to have such an experience. Thatcher abruptly learned do discern opinions that matter from those who don’t
Too often we make decisions because we worry about what the wrong people think. We care too much about the opinion of those who don’t care about us rather than seeking the approval of those who truly care. Recently when studying the Sermon on the Mount I noticed the Savior admonishes us to be careful about who we seek to please.
In Matthew Chapter Six we learn there were three ways the pharisees sought the praise of men. One was in the way they gave alms, another in the way they prayed and another in how they fasted. Usually when we read this chapter we focus on the theme of hypocrisy.
Christ says, “When ye shall do your alms, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets that they may have the glory of men.”
Regarding prayer he says, “When thou prayest thou shalt not do as the hypocrites for they love to pray, standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.”
“And when ye fast be not as the hypocrites of a sad countenance, for they disfigure their faces that they may appear unto men to fast.”
Often, we think of hypocrisy as asking/telling somebody to something we are not or would not be willing to do ourselves. The dictionary defines hypocrisy as “the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not confirm.” For example, in the case of alms, hypocrisy would be telling people to give to the poor when we are not willing to give to the poor ourselves. However, pretending to do something that you don’t really do doesn’t seem to be the Savior’s definition of hypocrisy. The hypocrites are giving to the poor. They really are fasting and praying. They are “walking the walk” not just “talking the talk.”
Clearly these verses are more about motives than behavior. The hypocrites were giving alms, praying and fasting but their motive was to be seen of men. Their hypocrisy was not in their actions, but in their motives. They were pretending to care about the poor, about God, etc, but in reality, they cared more about the praise of men.
The Savior teaches, “When ye shall do your alms, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets that they may have the glory of men.” Regarding prayer he says, “When thou prayest thou shalt not do as the hypocrites for they love to pray, standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.” And when ye fast be not as the hypocrites of a sad countenance, for they disfigure their faces that they may appear unto men to fast.”
The actions of the pharisees say one thing but their hearts say another. This is the essence of hypocrisy.
Hypocritical Thoughts
When we ask ourselves honestly, “Why am I doing/saying such and such?” we can discern if we are seeking the praise of men or the praise of God. For example, we can ask: Why did I accept this calling? Why am I performing in my calling in a certain way? Why am I making this comment in class or in a council? Why am I sharing this experience I had recently? Why did I make this post? Why do I write these articles? Why am I performing this service?
Recently we went on a cruise that put us in the middle of the ocean on a Sunday. On that Sunday morning the ship provided a room where interested passengers could gather to worship, and they suggested that one of the guests on the ship lead the service. Since my husband was a stake president at the time and had had ample experience leading services, I suggested he offer to do so.
The strangers who gathered to meet were delighted that someone had stepped forward to assume this responsibility. We began the service by singing “Amazing Grace,” which effectively invited the spirit. Then my husband, Bret, began a discussion about a Bible topic. At first the participants were surprised. They were not accustomed to being invited to share their feelings in Sunday service. About 20 minutes into the meeting everyone had participated except one woman. I was worried she was offended because Bret had stepped out of the box and did not simply read a bunch of passages of scripture. Finally, the woman spoke up. I held my breath, worried she would criticize our approach to worship. Instead, she shared how she had lost a baby boy, Christopher, and for years had been angry with God. In recent years she had reconciled with God and she shared how he had strengthened her and she had felt his supporting presence. After the meeting the women in the room surrounded Christopher’s mother. We embraced and consoled, and bonded. She revealed that she was reluctant to share her story for fear we would all think she was a “Debbie downer” and would destroy the spirit of the meeting. But then she simply wanted to share what God had done for her. I was so grateful that she set aside her concern for the opinions of men and choose to speak of her love for God.
Aligning Thoughts with Actions
How can we act with full purpose of heart, making certain that our actions are sincere, done with a desire to impress God, and not simply to impress men?
Hypocrisy can be avoided if we are honest with ourselves. For example, we may ask ourselves, “What am I hoping to get out of this comment/post? Am I seeking more followers or more disciples of Jesus Christ?” We may ask ourselves, “What do I expect to get out of this ministering visit? Am I seeking praise from my Relief Society President, or do I want this sister to feel loved?”
This does not mean we should hide our candle under a bushel, only praying in our closets. It suggests that we ask ourselves if we are being hypocrites with our motives. Are we working to impress or to inspire? Do we seek the glory of men or the glory of God? Honestly acknowledging our motives provides an opportunity to change our motives.
Hypocrisy can be avoided if we are willing to forgo the praise of men. Gaining followers or friends is easy. Simply tell people what they want to hear: “No need to change. You’re okay just the way you are.” “You will be saved no matter what you do because Jesus died on the cross.” Honestly sharing our convictions is hard. Courageous prophets, both ancient and modern have been, and still are, willing to risk losing the praise of men in order to do the will of God. Father Lehi, Samuel the Lamanite, Jeffrey R. Holland, Dallin H. Oaks, are examples of prophets who do not fear men more than they fear God.
Christ tells us what our motives should be—motives for serving, motives for praying, motives for fasting, motives for sharing: “Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”
JeaNette Goates Smith is a retired Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who works hard, not just to do the right thing, but to do to do the right thing for the right reason. More information can be found at www.smithfamilytherapy.org