How Missing Church is Missing Out
Cover image vis Gospel Media Library.
It was Easter Sunday and my dad was five years old. His parents were sound asleep, as they had attended a late-night gala, and couldn’t be roused. Dad woke up his little sister, who was three years old, and helped her put on the clothes she had worn the previous day. Together they walked down the street to the church building near their home. The five-year-old boy and his sister, both in their Saturday overalls, sat in the pews among Easter bonnets and lace stockings.
When Grandma awoke, she was horrified. It was shameful enough that she had missed church on Easter Sunday, of all days, but she was mortified that her children would show up, completely underdressed. Nevertheless, the faith of a five-year-old boy who knew where he belonged on Sunday morning instigated the re-activation of his parents. That little boy grew up and taught his own children the importance of attending church every Sunday, lessons I have never forgotten.
When I was fourteen, I told Dad that I didn’t want to go to church that day. “I don’t get anything out of it,” I said. He replied, “Sis, it’s not always about what you get, but about what you give.” He taught me that someone else needed me there on Sunday. He taught me that there are several ways that attending church is about what you give.
The Chance to Testify
If you’ve ever felt pricked when being invited to share the gospel then attending church on Sunday can clear your conscience. Relief Society, Elder’s Quorum, Sunday School and Primary provide ideal settings to share our testimonies. Waiting until Fast Sunday to stand at the pulpit and bear testimony is completely unnecessary. The lessons we teach and the classes we attend should be discussions. They provide an opportunity for every person in the room to participate, to share their own testimony of the doctrine being taught. When we raise our hands and share our own convictions, we not only fortify our own testimonies, we strengthen the testimonies of others in the class. There may be somebody in the class who needs to hear what we have to share. Our willingness to open our mouths can provide answers to their prayers. Our willingness to testify in a class can make as big a difference in another’s life as if we were going out and teaching with the missionaries.
The Chance to Fellowship
It happened in the bathroom during Stake Conference. My sister-in-law was rocking a baby when Telesha stepped into the room. Jenna, who never knew a stranger, greeted Telesha simply saying, “How are you enjoying the conference?” This began a delightful conversation that left both women with a feeling of belonging. Jenna didn’t know that Telesha was taking lessons with the missionaries and was struggling with the decision to be baptized. Talking to Jenna clinched her decision. She told her bishop that meeting Jenna convinced her, “That’s the kind of church I want to go to.”
Our decision to attend church can make all the difference to someone who is ambivalent about being there. We can look for the person who is sitting alone, and simply sit down next to them. We can note the person standing alone, and introduce ourselves. Even those of us who are not quite as friendly as Jenna can make church attendance a warm, loving experience for everyone.
Sister Manzur showed her love in the middle of a testimony meeting, and she never approached the pulpit. A young girl was bearing her testimony and with tears in her eyes shared how she was new to Jacksonville and spoke of how difficult it was to live so far away from her family. As the new member returned to her seat Sister Manzur left hers. She walked across the chapel and embraced the young girl. “You have a new family here,” she reassured the visitor. “We will be your family.”
Alma invited his converts at the waters of Mormon to “comfort those who stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9). The folks who need comfort don’t need to be mourning. They may just be nervous or lonely, and when we reach out, we offer comfort. Those of us who have made covenants with the Lord have promised to do the comforting.
The Chance to Gain Trust
At times those with callings in the church look for legitimate reasons not to attend church, rather than finding a way to attend church. Sometimes we feel like we need a break, or perhaps we haven’t prepared adequately, and so we find a plausible reason for missing church. For example, we have a lake house an hour and a half from our home. We like to go down on the weekends to waterski. There is a branch of the church near our lake house where we could easily attend church on Sunday to take the sacrament. One time I suggested to my husband, “Why don’t we stay the weekend, and just tell the people in our ward that we are out of town.” His response silenced me, “How can I gain people’s trust if I’m never there?”
Our consistent, weekly, diligent attendance every Sunday is a way to gain the trust of our ward members. Our consistent presence shows that we care about them, that we want to help them grow, that we don’t want to miss a single opportunity to testify so they can feel the spirit. Those of us who teach a class will gain the trust of our class members if we show up, week after week. This is how we prove that we are trustworthy. Only when they trust us will they believe what we teach. A calling is not an obligation that we need to endure. A calling is an opportunity to affect someone’s life for the good. Deliberately missing out on the opportunity to affect another’s life shows a lack of concern for their welfare.
This was a truth that I was taught when I became a therapist. I learned that my clients would trust me if I was trustworthy. I didn’t cancel appointments at the last minute or constantly reschedule. I kept our appointments. Had I not done so, they would not believe I cared about them.
Alma’s invitation to comfort those who stand in need of comfort also included the invitation to “stand as a witness of God at all times, in all things and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9). This may seem like a daunting task, like we need to be talking to strangers in the airport, or at the grocery store. Seeking high and low for places to stand as a witness is not necessary. We have the perfect opportunity to witness every Sunday in our classes and quorums. Those who have made covenants with the Savior will relish this opportunity.
JeaNette Goates Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the author of four books on family relationships available on Amazon. She and her husband served as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic from 2017 to 2020.
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