How I Was Miraculously Taught to Trust the Lord—Even While I was Angry at Him
How Was I Supposed to Fulfill the Lord’s Calling to Me If He Wasn’t Even Going to Help?
In 2019, I was called to serve a mission in Singapore, the island-country in Southeast Asia that borders Malaysia. I was to learn Malay, one of the official languages of the country.
I had been in the MTC for 5 ½ weeks when Covid hit. None of us knew what it would mean for us; we all just continued to study and prepare. Then, the day before I was to leave, it was announced that the Singapore mission had been closed to any new missionaries. That night my stake president called and told me I was being reassigned to the Canada Toronto mission. One piece of good news: at least it was to be Malay-speaking.
Once I arrived, however, it turned out that there was no one in Toronto to speak to in Malay; all my missionary work was actually done in English. Nevertheless, part of my assignment was to continue studying the language, so I did that every day. I often greeted people in the Malay language—“Apa khabar” (pronounced “AHpuh khaBAR”), which essentially means “How are you?” I was hoping to find someone who spoke the language and that I could teach in their native tongue.
However, although I served in Toronto for 3 ½ months, in all that time—in a city of nearly three million people—I had not found a single person who responded to my Malay greeting. I was faithfully fulfilling my missionary assignment to prepare to teach in the Malay language, but to no avail.
Then something much worse happened. I was transferred to a small city 3 hours north of Toronto, with a population of only 16,000. I knew what this meant: there was no chance of meeting someone who could speak Malay.
I was completely irritated at the Lord. “At least give me a chance to teach in this language,” I muttered. It was all so disheartening. I had been called to Singapore . . . and then reassigned. I had been reassigned to teach in Malay . . . and then no one we worked with in Toronto actually spoke Malay. And now I was being transferred to a small city, far from Toronto, where there was not even a chance that someone would speak Malay. How was I supposed to fulfill the Lord’s calling to me if He wasn’t even going to help? I was frustrated and disappointed.
“I Arranged this Meeting; Don’t Take Me Out of It”
In my new small area, my companion and I went every day to a nearby track to run laps. One day while we were running, I saw a man, probably in his 60’s, walking the track who seemed like he might be from a different part of the world—maybe even Malaysia?! Who could know? Anyway, as I ran, I passed him 2 or 3 times, but did not speak to him. I would definitely have greeted him if this had happened in Toronto . . . but I wasn’t going to do it here. I was aggravated at the Lord. “No. Not gonna do it,” I said to myself, filled with irritation at how the Lord had let me down in doing the very work He had called me to do.
Then I saw this man leave the track, walking toward where he had come from. With the opportunity disappearing, I suddenly had a sacred experience with the Lord that was both new and holy in every way. I both felt and saw these exact words in my mind: “If you don’t say hello in Malay, you will miss out on how much I love you and how great My power is.”
Spiritually jolted, I ran back after the man. I caught up to him, but felt extremely nervous. What should I say?! While still behind him, I finally greeted him in Malay. “Apa khabar,” I blurted. He didn’t answer immediately, so I quickly asked: “Do you know of any Malaysian restaurants?” He turned around and said, “I think you can only find them in Toronto.” “Oh, okay.” He turned back around and continued walking. But then he turned back again toward me and asked, “Why do you want to know if there’s a Malaysian restaurant?” Hoping I could still be sent to Singapore, I answered: “I’m planning to go to that area soon to live, and I just love all things Malaysian.” “That’s so interesting. I’m Malaysian. How did you know?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth—it would just make me sound weird. I desperately searched my mind in that split-second to find some conventional, non-crazy reply. But my mental gymnastics were stopped instantly by another clear, direct message from the Spirit: “I arranged this meeting; don’t take Me out of it.”
So I told this man the truth: “While I was running, God told me you were Malaysian and to talk to you.” I explained that I was a missionary and was going to serve in Malaysia (more specifically, in Singapore). I asked if he might be willing to help me improve in the language. After a brief conversation, this Malaysian man agreed to think about it, and to meet me at the track again the next day with his wife.
We parted with that agreement, and I turned around to continue my run. But I couldn’t. Instead, all I could do was fall to my knees. I had been so angry and irritated at the Lord, so full of certainty that He was letting me down, when all the time He knew where a Malaysian speaker was and how to get me to him. I hadn’t trusted Him or His plans and had nearly missed out on the miracle He had prepared for me.
I was overwhelmed . . . with joy, with the Spirit, and with a deep, incomprehensible stillness. Looking heavenward, I said simply: “I trust You.” It was an utterance of trust that came from the deepest part of my being.
It all made sense now—why I had been reassigned to this small city—and it was also absolutely clear that the Lord was involved in the very details of my life. In this state of complete stillness, I continued kneeling; I couldn’t stand, and remained on my knees for several minutes. Eventually, my companion came over and I explained everything to her.
What I Know
In the end, my companion and I met with this man and his wife twice each week for the next 12 weeks. My companion would visit with his wife while this man and I spent the time reading the Book of Mormon in Malay. The time was fantastic, and when I was eventually transferred, our parting was sad. He was raised Catholic and had never heard of the Church before meeting me, but was extremely happy to learn of it. He was especially impressed by the members he heard about—parents, like mine, who would raise their children to go out into the world and serve like this. It moved him.
Later I wrote this man a letter. The most important thing I could tell him was that the whole experience had changed my relationship with God—because it had. Thoroughly.
I don’t know what the future holds for this man. I don’t know if he will cross paths with the restored gospel again, or, if he does, if he will embrace it. What I do know is this: the Lord was intimately involved in this man’s life, and He was intimately involved in mine. I had harbored the feeling that He had let me down and that I couldn’t trust Him. But despite my frustration, He had completely embraced me and labored with me anyway. He had arranged for me to be exactly where I needed to be, to meet exactly the man I needed to meet. From my mortal perspective I had thought the Lord had abandoned me—that He was far away. In truth, He could not have been closer.
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Alexa Larsen loves spending time with her family and traveling and learning about different cultures and foods. She enjoys gardening, hiking, running, tennis, and basketball. She is currently a pre-med student at Brigham Young University–Provo, majoring in Neuroscience. She will graduate in 2024.
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