The Covenant of One: Discipleship Without Waiting for a Partner
Beyond the Waiting Room
There is a persistent, quiet, psychological pressure that follows many single Latter-day Saints — whether they are navigating the “interim” of extended young adulthood or the raw, unexpected aftermath of divorce. Single life in the church is the haunted by the question: “Am I missing out?” Because we rightly celebrate the “New and Everlasting Covenant” of marriage as our final destiny and most supreme blessing of the Gospel, those who are alone often feel as though they are in a spiritual “Waiting Room” where life feels provisional. We treat our homes like temporary dorms, our goals like placeholders, and even our discipleship as a project that isn’t “whole” until a second signature is added to the covenant.
But the Lord’s servants have offered a definitive corrective to this fear. In his message The Church Is for Everyone in the June 1989 Ensign, President Howard W. Hunter promised: “No blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer… it will not be denied.” In that same article, President Hunter quoted President Spencer W. Kimball’s assurance that “On occasions when you ache for that acceptance and affection which belong to family life on earth, please know that our Father in Heaven is aware of your anguish, and that one day he will bless you beyond your capacity to express.”
You aren’t just “passing time.” You are becoming ever more capable of an eternal partnership.
The idea of a “Covenant of One” involves the brave realization that God is at the center of all your covenants, whether you are married or single, and your life is not on pause while you are single. You are not “half” a person waiting for a missing other half. You are, or can be, one of God’s Covenant people by entering the covenants embodied in baptism, washings and anointings, and the endowment. Through Jesus Christ, you can be forgiven of your sins and be made whole and holy through his infinite atonement. Sanctification is not bestowed upon you by a spouse. Holiness is a quality of soul you forge through the “grind” of your daily choices and, even more, by the gift of divine grace. By being valiant in these individual covenants and learning more deeply about your relationship with Go through those covenants, you aren’t just “passing time.” You are becoming ever more capable of an eternal partnership.
There is a rugged, holy beauty in the person who keeps a promise even when the emotion of the moment has passed and the promised destiny has yet to be fulfilled. Beyond the beauty of a white wedding dress and the celebration of a sacred ceremony there are years of faithfulness, sharing, working to communicate and understand, giving of self, body, soul, and means. The Psalmist describes the one who shall abide in the Lord’s temple as he who “sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not” (Psalm 15:4). Bravery is the patient continuing of the grind when the initial emotional spark has faded and the “hurt” of loneliness remains. The great Latter-day Saint songwriter Michael McLean has spoken movingly about a dream he had during a nine-year faith crisis where mother Teresa sang to him these words:
“I choose to pray to one who doesn’t hear me.
I choose to wait for love that He conceals.
And though God has chosen for now not to be near me,
I’m keeping promises my heart no longer feels.”
Choosing to remain true to Jesus Christ and stay in covenant with Him can be particularly challenging when we feel that our best efforts have not been rewarded. As Michael McLean also asked, “Am I willing to keep the promises I’ve made to God even when I feel nothing in response to my deepest yearnings? In the most difficult trial of my faith journey, would I hold on to faith or give in to despair?” Staying the course with integrity to your covenants, even when you are subjected to the assumptions and judgments of others, and even when your faith has not yet been rewarded is an Abrahamic test. Staying faithful when you are later than most in receiving the blessing you most long for is a sign between you and the Lord that you are determined to serve Him forever, no matter the cost.
Bunkers and Bridges
For those recovering from the trauma of divorce, the “Covenant of One” can feel like a retreat. It is tempting to view your single status as a protective “bunker,” or a way to ensure no one can ever reject or hurt you again.
Your capacity for joy is not contingent on another person’s agency.
But a bunker is a place of passive reliance. By contrast, discipleship is a bridge. Moving from a bunker to a bridge requires an active energy rather than timid withdrawal. It means deciding your capacity for joy is not contingent on another person’s agency.
Profiles in Solo Courage: Ruth and Moroni
We find the “Covenant of One” in the grit of our scriptural heroes. Consider Ruth. After a devastating loss, she didn’t wait in the “bunker” of Moab for a miracle. She moved to a new field and engaged in the 90 percent grind of gleaning (Ruth 2). She didn’t wait to be rescued; she became the creator of a new lineage through her diligence. When Boaz noticed her, it was because of her reputation for action: “It hath fully been shewn me, all that thou hast done.”
Consider Moroni. For decades, he was true to a “Covenant of One” in total isolation. He had no social pressure and no audience to applaud his 90percent grind. Yet, he chose a trajectory of lonely excellence. He didn’t just survive; he gave his energy to finishing the Book of Mormon in brilliant prose. He was “standardizing” a character of such durability that it would eventually support a global Restoration of truth.
The Hope in the Oar
You are not a “half” waiting for a “whole.” You are a Child of the Covenant in active production.
You are not a “half” waiting for a “whole.” You are a Child of the Covenant in active production. Your “solo season” is not a delay; it is the most intense form of preparation for everything the Lord has promised. Remember that you are not just waiting for marriage. You are building the person capable of it. Cathy and I have a greater appreciation for the relationship we have because it was many years in coming. I was 50 years old on our wedding day and still feel the thrill of knowing, at long last, I was finally joined together with my queen.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gave an inspiring promise to those who have remained strong and kept their integrity despite the fact that many of their hopes and dreams had gone unfulfilled:
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”
Trust in the Lord and stay true. Your race is not yet fully run and there is much the Lord still intends to bless you with as you hold on to your faith, hope on and trust on until you see the salvation of the Lord.
Resource:
Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.
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